This will be my last journal entry, i feel that making a formal goodbye is the best thing to do here.

I don't know if there were any good days to DA, i just remember how it was when everyone got along, but even in days like that i was sceptical.

This summer, it went by so quickly that i don't know what to think about it. Was it even a summer? I still (and always will) see it as just an extended vacation. Not week after week of summer fun, but the same week, over and over again. Living inside of Seven days and on the outside of all of this real time continues to move but it doesn't appear until its ready. Not until you're ready, but until its ready. And theres nothing you can do, because time stops for no one, and you have to accept it and move on and thats what i'm doing here, moving on.

I'm not technicually leaving DA, but it will be like i'm leaving. I just wont post Deviations anymore, or make any more journals. The only thing that will ever stand still, will ever freeze in time is this journal entry. Part of me is here, and part of me is there.


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I'm gonna keep going because none of this is making sence, or maybe you just have to think about it. Two things existed this summer that i wanted to do, i completed one of them and one i did not. Will i tell you either of them? No. Think about it (audience) and maybe if you know me well enough you can figure out what that thing is that i didn't complete. I still have one day, but i doubt its going to happen. Like i said before, part of me is here and part of me is there. Part of me wants to do something about it, and the other part of me just wants to not give a fuck.

Summer, i'm bringing it up again. I talked to Chris about it tonight, while we were walking around town (which we did for about 5 hours.) I don't know what he considered it as, but to me it was reflecting. Going all the places that we went this summer and thinking about the good times. Just having one last hurrah. I saw myself tonight, i really did. I saw many different me's. Happy me, sad me, upset me, disappointed me. All walking in different directions at every different point in summer. Who i met, where i went, and the experiences i had. This was the best summer to me, Chris calls it "not a good summer at all." Having a good summer doesn't mean doing a lot of things, its the feeling that goes with it. and looking back i don't feel upset that its over because i'm going to miss it so much. I feel exited for all of the experiences i had and understand that there are new ones just on the horizon i just have to be patient and see how things play out.

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The highlight of the summer was the Music festival i went to. Not so much what i did there but just being. Feeling the energy rush through my veins. Also remembering but not forgetting South Carolina. It wasn't my second home, i don't know if i'll ever go back there. (though i dreadfully regret not having anything significant from there) but making a new home, new memories, and the thing that goes with it. Everytime i go to the beach it always has a lasting effect on me, and playing with that musician on that beach was probably just what the summer needed, And that whole time i was there, i felt so connected with myself. Just listen, thats all you need to do. I don't know why i don't do it more, its the greatest feeling in the world and if anyone is still actually reading this journal entry and didn't give up after the beginning because they saw how fucking long it actually was just take some time out of your day, maybe one a week or even once a month and just sit somewhere completely quiet, no music, no cell phone, no nothing. and just listen. It sounds completely cheesy and i don't even know where i'm going with this but everyone has the answers to their own questions, and you can't hear them if you don't try.


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Summing it all up, i do remember when i started DA, i remember what happened after that, and i can recall all the highlights up to this point. I can even look back at my journal entrys and saw that i posted something a day before school started (no it was not this long and this thought out.) And its interesting to see where you were a year ago. But i'm moving on now, i'm moving on with life and going to try my best to handle it however i can. Without the use of drugs, thats one path i do not want to fall into. I don't know what path our friends will go into either, whether they will fall into that path themselves or survive in this world. I cannot see the future i can only see what is thrown at me right now. And thats the only way anyone can ever live.

Bye.

Ryudo Deviln.







I will leave teh links to four songs below this post, it best discribes how i am feeling because i cannot discribe it all in one song. I just can't.



Fading Glow

[link]



You're Beautiful

[link]



How to disappear completely

[link]



Trust me

[link]